Here is an interesting story I heard the other day about an old redneck in church…

Ol’ Jud went to church on a Sunday morning, and afterwards went to his favorite watering hole to nurse a black eye he got during the service.  As he walked in the door, his drinking buddies said, ”Hey Jud, where ‘ja git the black eye?”

Jud said, “The preacher tol ever’one to stand for some prayin’.  So I stood and put my head down like’n your supposed to.  Then the preacher started talking about fire and brimstone in hell, so I looked up to see if he was pointin’ at me.”

“But I saw the big widder woman standing in front o’ me, with her dress stuck in her butt.  Since she is a big woman, she probabl’ didn’ know it was stuck there.  So me being a fine gentleman, I reached out and pulled her dress out fer her.”

Jud’s buddies asked, “So, she gave you a black eye fer doing the right thang?”

Jud said, “Oh no, no, no, no.  She gave me the stink eye and wagged her finger at me.  So, I stood there with my eyes closed as the preacher kept talking about sinning and such, and I got to wonderin’ why she gave me the stink eye.  Then it came to me like a june bug in a windstorm.  She must’ve wanted it there, so me being a fine gentleman, I took my fingers and poked it back in.”