the Flag Police

That’s what my wife calls me.

I would not call myself that, but I am a patriotic guy who loves my country. Even with all the BS taking place now, the country is still worth loving, which includes its flag. The Government, not so.

A few months ago, I noticed the flags on a bank in my town were in bad shape. So I took a picture of them and mailed them (snail mail) to the bank. I was a little rude with them, because they are a bank I detest. They have money oozing out the wazoo to feed their shareholders and not their customers.

The envelope had my name and return address, but no contact information is put on the letter inside, because I really don’t want a reply. But if the recipients do use my address to send a reply, what they say will tell me everything I want to know about them.

So, I am starting a new section showing the flags I have seen, and have sent mail to, and will also add the follow-ups. Just click on the simple little word below. Let me know if any of you have trouble accessing it.


gluten-free bread, last chapter

I found one more slice of the bread in my refrigerator that I needed to finish. It had been in the refrigerator for at least three months so I expected to pull it out and see it covered with mold. I did not. I guess it is correct to say, even mold will not consume this crap. A certain individual in my house will not throw out food unless it has mold on it, so I was forced to eat it myself. So, the best way to tolerate the bread, is by toasting it first.

Gluten-free bread does not toast well. What I had was the last slice of the bread that I made in the bread maker, (which I shall never do again). So what you see below is the bread before toasting. The line on the bread is from the paddle of the bread maker.

Now here is the slice after toasting for 4-5 minutes in the toaster.

As you can see, there is little evidence of it being toasted, but being in the toaster for that length of time, does cause it to be very hot. So any butter placed on it is quickly melted. But . . . the butter just sits on top. The bread does not absorb it. See below.

I put plum jelly on it to help add something to the taste.

But as usually with the trait of this bread, it is basically a flavor thief. So, to be able to taste the jelly, I had to glob it on.

I always thought it would be nice to publish a paper in one of the scientific journals of our time, so I will gather all these posts and edit them into one interesting study and submit it to Scientific American or the AAAS (The American Association for the Advancement of Science) which has many journals of all sciences. I will let you know when my work gets published.

gluten-free bread again

In continuing the quest to find some way to tolerate gluten-free bread, we try it with an age old, time tested delicacy, PB&J with cold beer.

As is well known throughout the civilized world, peanut butter and jelly on toast, (got to be toast) goes hand and hand like two peas in a pod with cold beer. (Gotta be cold) So I tried it with the glute-free crap and have discovered something quite unique. Not only does gluten-free bread have no redeeming flavor of its own, but it actually hides the taste of the peanut butter and jelly. This came as a shock to me.

But there is good news here, I am told that eating gluten-free bread is no longer necessary. I cannot explain it, but I will not argue with it. So, I still have some gluten-free bread to use up, so maybe I can find one more recipe. I know people are standing by with abated breath for the next test, so I will find something quickly.

PB&J on gluten-free bread is 5 out of 10 on the Dwaine scale.

tolerating gluten-free bread

Recipe #2

So, this recipe uses delicious sausage that was cooked on the grill yesterday by an amazing Brazilian cook.

I took a slice of gluten-free bread and placed a layer of cheddar chess on it and then added the sausage, sliced in half. (not necessary for the recipe)

What many people don’t know is gluten-free bread is different than normal bread, not just because its lack of taste, but it is too stiff to fold in half. To do so without it breaking, you have to heat it in the microwave first. Then I can fold the bread in half and use the new Glute-Free Bread Jig by Dwaine© until the bread cools down, thus holding its shape.

Now I can add the additional condiments before consuming. One of them is a favorite cheese we buy – Cheese Dip by Gordo, found in many fine supermarkets.

After adding a pickle and a slob of Gordo’s cheese dip, the finished product looks enticing. The olives are not part of the sandwich. They are placed there for visual affects, because we do not have parsley.

The first several bites are better than expected, 

Taste rating based on the Dwaine scale: 6 out of 10.  Enjoy!

Recipes to tolerate gluten-free bread

Number 1

Whether you chose to eat gluten-free bread, or someone in your house strongly suggests you eat it, here is the first of several recipes to tolerate the healthy crap. Those of us who partake of this health benefit, will know the bread has little to no flavor with the consistency of cardboard. So the object is to find some clever way to add flavor to it.

Recipe # 1.         I made this just this morning for breakfast and was surprised how little it helped the bread taste better. In a small skillet, sprayed with Pan©, Put a slice of sandwich ham in and when it starts to sizzle, pour in a half cup of the liquid from last night’s pork roast. When the ham starts to buckle up from the heat, place a slice of gluten-free bread on top. Once it looks like it trying to fry, turn the mess over and put a slice of cheddar cheese on it, and let it continue to fry. Once the gluten-free bread has soaked up much of the roast liquid, scoop it up and place it on a plate. Be careful not to burn yourself. Then sit and eat with a cup of strong coffee.

Taste rating based on the Dwaine scale: 3 out of 10.  Enjoy!

Check back often for more gluten-free ideas.

Slick’s Oil Change

It was time to get the oil changed on the Jeep. In the past, I would try to time my oil changes when I was in Lubbock, because the little place I used, hidden on the side of a main street was ran by Vietnamese. They are not the ones hiding in the reeds and rice patties waiting to attack you. Those years are gone. These little guys are actually Catholic, easily discernable by the religious items hanging on the wall. But since then, they sold out to others who I believe are also Asian, and Christians. Good people. I always enjoy visiting with them as they would always ask me what country I am working in, how long I would be in the States and what trips I would be taking, etc.

I once had the oil changed at a Walmart in the Austin area, and the next time I had it done in Lubbock, the little guy told me the last service place I used did not put all the bolts back in the cover plate underneath. They only put four of the original 9.

But since moving much further south, I had to find a place I trusted as I did the little guys in Lubbock. An older brother used to own an oil change service center and I learned a lot from him on what to look for. So I spent time looking on the Internet and checking reviews.

Among the selection was a place called Slick’s Oil Change. That conjured up an image of a place with the entrance in back of a body shop, who has a guy with a runny nose and a beer in his hand, comes out to see what you want, wearing dirty overalls with one strap broken showing his dirty undershirt. “Whatcha needin’?”

“Uh, oil change?”

“Yeah, I kin do that for ya. Actually, you are in luck, cus I afa sale on good used earl. (oil). And I can git ma cousin Leroy to do it. He allas wanted to learn to change earl.” Then he crushes his empty beer can on his forehead and throws it back into the building.

Ah, no. So, I skipped over Slick’s Oil Change, and looked at others. But the more I searched, the more Slick’s Oil Change came up. So, I gave in and looked at the reviews.

The CarFax website gave them 5 stars with 247 verified reviews. Another site gave them 4.9 stars with 296 verified reviews. Another gave 4.9 with 506 reviews. These are for an oil change place!

So, I drove up there to get it done. Very nice brick building with a lot of customers. Went in and they said it would be about an hour and a half. Okay, so I decided I could wait until I got to Lubbock.

Months later, I had to get the inspection done, so I waited until mid-month so there would be fewer inspections going on. Went back to Slick’s and they said it would be about 45 minutes and since I was pressed for time, I decided to go elsewhere.

Down the street and around the corner is the “5 minute oil change” place that also did inspections. One of those places you don’t even have to get out of your car.

Sure enough, they had time for an inspection, because all three guys were standing around loafing. One was eating a sandwich.

“Sure, we can do that. You don’t even have to get out of your car.”

They had it done in 5 minutes and I drove off. I was the only customer at that place, while around the corner and down the block Slick’s had a multitude of people working on car after car.

So, back to the present. I called Slick’s and they said they open at 8:00. So I headed there the next morning and arrived at 7:45. There were about 7-8 people already standing in line to get in when they opened. Crap.

I debated whether to wait until the middle of next week to get it done when there would most likely be fewer customers. I would go in and ask about the wait time for later in the week.

At 8:00 I followed the line in and stood around near the desk. A little lady who reminds me of one of my sister-in-laws, but not as loud, was in charge. She called out someone’s name and a guy near the front spoke up. She quickly got him set up for service, then called another person. Then about eight people later, she called my name! It turns out, she noticed who came into the parking lot and got the license plate number, looked it up and placed it on a sticky note on her desk in the order they arrived. The Jeep had not been there for service before, so she had to look the number up on the Internet.

I was impressed. I asked if it would be quicker if I came in later in the week, and was told, “No, it is this way all the time.”

So, my name was put in the que at 8:10 and I was out at 9:10. On the way home, I passed by the 5-minute oil change place, (you don’t even have to get out of your car) and it had no customers.

So, I did a little slick research on Slick’s and found it is owned by a woman and her sons. Capitalism works for everyone.

Unless you own a 5-minute oil change place.